Why is it that people stay in situations that are unsatisfactory? Why do people remain in abusive relationships? Why do people continue in jobs that are unsatisfying?
The answer is simple… the fear of change. It seems counter-intuitive when you think that if you’re in a situation you’re not happy with that you would be afraid of changing but that’s the reality. “Better The Devil You Know.” is one of those catch-phrases that rings in people’s minds when they are faced the prospect of the unknown.
In the end what often happens is the person will convince themselves that their situation isn’t that bad after all, and they should be thankful for what they have. In my younger years I dated a girl for over four years, and we lived together for three of those. Everyone assumed we would get married. We got a long so well, we had a lot in common, and our relationship had stood the test of time. This is all true, but what I found was that we were too similar. We didn’t complement each other. When I was up, so was she. When I was down, so was she. Our relationship was solid. She’s the sort of girl I would recommend to any single male. She’s an excellent sort to marry, just not for me. When I broke up with her, there was no defining reason. No argument, no infidelity. The relationship was good, but I thought I could do better. I wanted a great relationship. I wanted a relationship that I felt privileged to be half of. Two years later I found the woman of my dreams while I travelled in Europe.
I knew in my heart that the situation I was in wasn’t the best for me. I knew that better options would present themselves. This didn’t come without some doubt, I might add. There were lonely times when I sat alone in my room wondering whether I had indeed made the right decision. Time proved me right.
Every decision, and indeed every non-decision (a decision to not make a decision) shapes our life path. We can choose to take ownership of our life and make decisions that might improve our quality of life and enjoyment. Or we can sit back and decide to let life slide along, taking random turns for better or worse.
If we think of life like driving in a vehicle. Taking an active role and making clear decisions is like driving with our eyes open and hands firmly planted on the steering wheel. Taking a passive role is like sitting blind-folded in the backseat and not being able to speak with the driver. At the best of times life is a mystery tour. We never really know where we’ll end up. But one thing’s for sure – the more active a role you take in your life, the more you’ll get out of it.
So back to my original statement/question. Why do people not actively seek change when they aren’t happy with their situation. The fear of change comes from the fear of loss – that the change will produce a loss of some sort – loss of money, loss of relationship, loss of face.
But really when you look at the situation from an objective point of view and take out the emotions, the worst-case scenario rarely warrants a lack of change from an undesirable situation. The other option is to remain in the current situation for ever, or until it gets so bad you have no choice but to change. Then change comes at a price and well after its due date.
So you can remain in the bad situation indefinitely. You only have everything to lose.
